Growing up, I was often called “too intense.” I might not always remember who said it, but I’ll always remember the way it felt. I would feel myself shrivel or turn inward, I remember the ruminating thoughts that would spiral in my mind. The word itself felt heavy, like a weight pressing down on me, making my stomach churn with unease. As I got older, that heaviness turned into something different. It became a burning sensation, coursing through me like wildfire. It sparked emotions—anger, shame, and a whole mix of others—that I struggled to contain.

Though I may not recall every instance, the feeling remains ingrained. Emotional intensity is a common thread among many of us with BPD, and truth be told, it holds immense beauty. It serves as a catalyst for growth, a reservoir of inner strength, and resilience. This blog is here to help guide us in managing emotional intensity so we can harness our powers and strength while liberating ourselves from old patterns.

Despite being in therapy for a few years and even having two degrees—including one in psychology—when my emotions felt unsafe, no workbook or journal prompt could offer me the focus or relief that I desperately wanted. 

Ignoring emotions often led to intensified spirals, typically accompanied by anger or rage. Anger tends to show up in the body for two reasons: a boundary is being violated (whether you know that boundary or not, your body does), or you’re feeling unseen or unheard.

In contrast, “TIPP” techniques from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) provides a tactile approach to quieting my mind and honoring my feelings. In my journey of navigating emotional intensity and self-harm behaviors that accompanied it, it was this distress tolerance technique that empowered me and was truly what the doctor ordered and what I deserved.

You see, one of the most powerful things you can do to drop out of the overactive mind is to drop into the body, but that can be hard when our brain has turned into a zoo (see my last blog)! TIPP is a wonderful set of skills that does exactly that! TIPP drops you into the body while changing your body chemistry. Pretty cool, right?!

So what are TIPP Skills?

• T is for temperature
  • While holding your breath, put your face in a bowl of cold water or hold a cold pack to your eyes and cheeks. 
  • Hold for 30 seconds. Keep the temperature above 50°F.
  • My face being under water is not great for my stress, so I use the cold pack. Feel free to put on your discovery hat and see which one of these works best for you
• I is for intense exercise
  • Engage in intense exercise, if only for a short while. This expends your body’s pent-up energy.
  • Ideas? Running, walking fast, jumping, playing basketball, lifting weights, etc.
  • I found this to be amazing for moments of anger, rage, annoyance, irritation! Some other ideas that I use are punching a pillow, doing jumping jacks, and pushing against a wall really hard.
• P is for paced breathing
  • Breathe deeply into your belly (practice diaphragmatic breathing).
  • Slow your pace of inhaling and exhaling way down (on average, five to six breaths
    per minute).
  • Breathe out more slowly than you breathe in (for example, 5 seconds in and 7 seconds out). 
  • This is a beautiful exercise I enjoy doing throughout the day. It’s simple, and I find that the more I do it, the more regulated I feel. Doing it throughout my day, I was able to harness its regulation and benefits and it really felt as if I was building that inner muscle of calm and choice.
• P is for paired muscle relaxation 
  • While breathing into your belly deeply, tense your body muscles (not so much as to cause a cramp).
  • Notice the tension in your body.
  • While breathing out, say the word “Relax” in your mind.
  • Let go of the tension.
  • Notice the difference in your body.
  • This one was KEY for me and remains a personal favorite that I call upon and share with my clients. I love this specific exercise because it allows me to transform all the energy pulsing through my body into purpose. I often perform this exercise while reflecting on whatever triggered me. I allow my thoughts to be acknowledged and directed into the various tensions of my body. It’s as if I’m giving them a stage to be heard before channeling them into the tension in my body. Then, with each exhale, I truly feel and imagine the release of not just tension, but also the built-up energy and accompanying thoughts.

Remember that managing emotional intensity is a journey and a beautiful path is unfolding before you. Each of us has our own unique experiences and challenges, but with practice and patience, we can cultivate resilience and lasting inner peace. So, whether you’re dipping your face in cold water, engaging in intense exercise, practicing paced breathing, or trying paired muscle relaxation, know that you’re taking meaningful steps towards emotional well-being and emotional freedom.

Embrace these techniques with an open heart and mind, and may they serve as powerful tools on your journey of managing emotional intensity!

About the Author: Des Caminos is an Embodiment & Somatic Practitioner with two degrees, who received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder in 2014. She shares her time with the Lived Experience Committee because she believes in the power and healing of a life beyond a diagnosis. Des is here to help break down stigma and share experiences and resources because she believes we are truly all in this together. You can find her on all social media platforms under Des Caminos.