Warning: The following contains mentions of alcohol that may be triggering to some audiences.

When I took drivers’ ed, we passed around a pair of “drunk goggles” that supposedly simulated the effect of alcohol on perception. The blurry, kaleidoscope-y visual sent a clear message: don’t drink and drive. Regardless of whether you had a similar experience, I’m sure you can appreciate the lesson.

But how often do you appreciate the other ways that drinking influences your perception? Alcohol can make you feel close to people that wouldn’t otherwise be an important part of your life. It’s hard to tell which relationships are authentic and meaningful through the lens of “drunk goggles.”

Individuals with borderline personality disorder are particularly prone to struggling with relationship stability, so we should take particular care to avoid alcohol as necessary to get a clear view of our relationships.

When I quit drinking, I also quit hanging out with a whole lot of people. I realized that, without alcohol to dim my perception, I didn’t like hanging out with those people at all. For years, hanging around these folks felt easy and fun. Suddenly, all I felt was awkward and bored.

I had never stopped to question whether these were my real friends or “drinking buddies.” When I quit drinking, the answer struck me with painful force. Have you ever reached for a drink to help you enjoy a social event? If so, I encourage you to experiment with staying dry for an outing or two and observe how the experience compares.

While alcohol can seem like it is good at helping you bond with others, it actually prevents you from developing the deepest kind of intimacy with another person. Alcohol can be effective at helping you relax and enjoy another person, but these feelings of relaxation and enjoyment are inauthentic. Drunk feelings aren’t real feelings.

When your relationship is ignited and developed by alcohol, you never really get to know the other person. You might fall in love with the superficial, entertaining version of your partner, and wake up to find that you have no compassion for the vulnerable, tired person lying next to you.

Alcohol can wreak havoc on your self-perception, which is a particular concern for many individuals with borderline personality disorder that suffer from unstable self-image.

One way that alcohol can disrupt your sense of self is by disinhibiting you to do things that you wouldn’t have done otherwise. These can be inappropriate behaviors or activities that erode your self-respect.

Another way that alcohol can mess with your self-image is by taking time away from your other hobbies. For example, my hangovers would include headaches that made it painful to read or listen to music. One night of drinking would steal my ability to enjoy reading or listening to music the next day. Drinking crowds out time for activities that contribute to a well-rounded sense of self.

Overall, “drunk goggles” can prevent you from seeing all sorts of things (besides the road) clearly. If you are struggling with relationship instability or an unstable self-image—characteristic symptoms of borderline personality disorder—I encourage you to avoid alcohol as necessary to get a clear picture of what your relationships and self-image are, what you want them to be, and how those realities compare.

About the Author: Saadia is a graduate student with lived experience of borderline personality disorder. She donates her time to the Lived Experience Committee because she wants to share the gift of recovery with others. You can find her on LinkedIn.