Liz Santamorena is the mother of Nico (pronouns they/them/theirs), her adult child who was diagnosed with BPD at age 21. Liz and Nico shared their perspectives about their BPD journey at the 2024 annual BPD conference co-sponsored by NEABPD and Yale.
For Liz, the journey began when Nico was just nine years old. At that time, Liz felt Nico’s anxiety warranted professional help. Taking that initial step turned into more than a decade of trials and tribulations as she searched for the right providers, medication(s), and treatment(s) for her child. She described how her journey was riddled with stigma, confusion, frustration, and desperation. For years, her efforts resulted in only minor and temporary improvements in Nico’s mental health. At their breaking point, Liz got Nico to agree to a residential treatment program where they were first diagnosed with BPD. After 11 years of an alphabet soup of diagnoses, this was the first one that made sense. With this more fitting diagnosis, Liz was able to find resources from NEABPD that provided her with the knowledge, tools, and skills to help best support her child. Simultaneously, Nico continued DBT -Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Nico also spoke candidly about their painful experience from their perspective and how their overwhelming feelings of burden and shame led to self-loathing and self-harm. Suicide seemed a viable option when the pain was too much to bear.
Since learning about Nico’s BPD diagnosis, both Nico and Liz have worked hard to embrace and practice evidence-based DBT skills for emotional regulation. Liz and Nico told us that their learning curve was slow and hard, yet with commitment and consistency, they’ve been able to go from an oppositional relationship to being best friends.
Today, Nico is 29 and considered in remission from BPD. They recently graduated from NYU with a master’s in art therapy and are employed at a private practice. Due to the life-changing skills she learned by participating in FC, Liz became a Family Connections co-leader in 2018. Since then, she has led over a dozen courses and plans to continue co-leading as many FC classes as possible. Liz and Nico are dedicated to helping other families reduce their pain and suffering.
For additional inspiration of hope and healing, you can listen to their entire story from their presentation at the Yale Conference in May of 2024.
Artwork Credit: Nico Santamorena
Recent Comments