What are the benefits of sharing your story about substance misuse with others?
Saadia:
You get to shake off the shame that comes from thinking that you are the only one to struggle with something. I like the saying: “You’re as sick as your secrets.” You will be amazed at how much you resonate with some of the stories that you hear, things that no one talks about in other settings because they are taboo or uncomfortable.
Amela:
It’s a choice to share and it took me a while to decide to open up. It’s important for others to know that they are not alone in their struggle. When I contemplated how I would share my experiences I thought about what would be mutually helpful for others and myself. If I opened up, maybe others could resonate with my struggles and be inspired by my courage and strength.
Where do people meet for substance abuse recovery groups, referred to below as 12-step meetings?
Saadia:
All over the place, including online.
Amela:
The twelve step programs are international. Anyone who has a desire to explore recovery on a self-directed with peer-supportive plane. You can meet over the phone, virtually or in person.
Do the members of 12-step groups all have a religious sect? Is it necessary?
Saadia:
No. You are only required to believe in some power that is greater than yourself. While this could be a specific god from a specific religion, it could also be nature, or the recovery community, or a totally undefined higher power.
Amela:
Not necessarily. Some people identify their higher power as whatever they believe.
Can anyone attend a 12-step meeting?
Saadia:
Some 12-step meetings are “closed,” meaning that only people directly struggling with the issue that the program addresses are welcome to attend. Other meetings are “open,” meaning that anyone is welcome to attend, regardless of whether you share the struggle of the group (in practice, this means that loved ones are welcome to attend). Some groups are women-only or men-only; others are for “young people”…
Amela:
Yes. As Saadia said, anyone can attend but if you’re a reporter, researcher or student doing a paper at an open meeting it is important to let someone know. But if you’re a relative before going to a meeting I recommend asking the local chapter if someone can support you in the attendance process. I’ve heard stories of a relative coming in to a meeting to offer support but the person felt uncomfortable and that their privacy was being violated. It’s best to ask how to be of help and avoid unintended harm.
Do you HAVE to follow the 12-Steps and 12-Traditions?
Saadia:
No. I have attended hundreds of 12-step meetings in my life and I have never actually gotten a sponsor and done the stepwork. They will encourage you to participate fully in the program, but that’s up to you.
Amela:
It’s true. The program depends on your efforts. If you get everything done in the steps an respect the traditions. It’s likely that you’ll be more successful. I’m currently working with a sponsor. Before I had met her I had already received six coins of recovery.
What does a typical 12-step meeting look like?
Saadia:
Before the meeting starts, many people arrive early and socialize. There is some introductory information read aloud. Then, someone reads a passage from a 12-step text or picks a topic. Next, whoever wants to share does so for 2-5 minutes each. The idea is to share your experience, strength, and hope related to the reading or topic, but you can share whatever is on your mind. Halfway through, they pass around a basket for donations to support the group. At the end, they read some conclusory material. Afterwards, it is common to hang around and socialize.
Amela:
I attended a hybrid meeting and it was fun. People meet at a church, private event spaces, colleges, hospitals, rehabilitation clinics, peer led organizations, respite centers or even a bar!
What are some pointers or advice you’d give to someone to prepare for a 12-step meeting?
Saadia:
Try a few different meetings before deciding whether or not it might be useful for you. The groups have different cultures, vibes, and age demographics. You might feel totally out of place at one meeting but right at home at another.
Amela:
Take a nice shower, use your favorite deodorant, spray on a fragrance and dress naturally. Bring at least one dollar bill or some lunch money. Prepare to raise your hand if you’re confident enough to share that it’s your first meeting or if you’re still new to the program. Almost everyone is ready and willing to help, offer support or just say welcome!
thank you for sharing, i will definitely be resourcing here more often and letting my community and friends on social media about you guys and the help available etc. I live in Runcorn UK, i have lots of US friends who struggle just like myself.
1970 born into domestic violence abuse and alcohol was a major part of that chaos unfortunately