I just got engaged and graduated from school. I’m about to move and start a new job. These are good things. Why are they so hard?

First of all, transitions are difficult because they are laborious. You have to find a new way of doing things that works for you. I have to find a gym schedule that respects regular work hours. This takes thought and planning. It also takes trial and error.

There is no way around the fact that successfully navigating transitions takes energy and effort. The nature of a transition is that you can’t get through it on autopilot, as you might do when life is monotonous.

My best technique is to accept this reality and save your energy for managing the transition as it happens–rather than exhausting yourself trying to plan for all contingencies. The human brain is naturally wired to create and evaluate mental representations of possible futures.

Transitions are scary because they are unknown. The human brain is gifted in its ability to imagine the future. This ability, called prospection, is an evolutionary adaptation that helps us make better decisions.

The evolution of the brain hasn’t caught up with the evolution of society and technology, which means that our ability to imagine possible problems can be overwhelming when we are facing a major transition. Our brains thrash around trying to imagine all the possible scenarios and compute the best course of action. This is an impossible task that can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion.

My best technique for dealing with a brain that won’t stop circling is to set the limits of its inquiry to things that I can control. For example, if I am worried that I won’t be able to find a gym near my new house, I can start researching that. On the other hand, if I am worried that I won’t like my job, I remind myself that I can’t know that until I start working. Do you see how the former is a productive use of rumination, and the latter is just draining?

If you want to take it a step further, you can set the limits to things that you actually intend to control. For example, finding a gym that you like in your new neighborhood–add that to the list. On the other hand, finding a nearby library–not going to make or break your experience living in the new neighborhood, and so not worth your limited problem-solving energy.

Understanding how the brain works, and its natural tendency to imagine problems of the future, has really helped me take ownership of my thought patterns and redirect my brain activity towards things that will actually help me. I hope that this helps you, too.

About the Author: Saadia is a young professional with lived experience of borderline personality disorder. She volunteers with the Lived Experience Committee because she wants to share the gift of recovery with others. You can find her on LinkedIn.