Warning: The following content contains mentions of self-harm behaviors that may be triggering to some audiences.

The phrase ‘self-harm’ evokes a wide spectrum of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It conjures up a depth beyond words for many who resonate with silent struggles and unspoken pain.

Whatever you feel, think, or experience at the mention of this word, know that it is valid. You have been through some unique experiences of which only you will ever know the journey. This article intends to shed light on self-harm without judgment or fear—a light of understanding, liberation, and direction towards a deeper part of you.

Whatever arises at the mention of this word, know that it is valid. Your experiences are uniquely yours, known only to you. These words are here to empower you with love, radical acceptance, and a deep understanding of the journey you or your loved ones are on.

Did you know that 50-80% of individuals with BPD engage in self-harm behaviors? If you make up part of that statistic or have a loved one who does, take a breath, and know that you are not alone in this experience.

Self-harm emerges as a coping mechanism in moments of profound distress amidst overwhelming emotions. Please know that wherever you are in your journey, we honor your resilience as you navigate the complexities of your inner world.

I am deeply grateful to be here, sharing insights within this organization. But it was not always this way. I struggled with navigating my emotions, hiding behind suppression, lashing out, and seeking solace in fleeting connections. Feeling safe expressing my emotions was a luxury that eluded me, and my journey of self-harm began in isolation and uncertainty. Remember, if any of this resonates, it is not your fault. It can be hard to know what you have not experienced or been taught.

In 2016, I had a pivotal moment that marked the beginning of my journey towards healing from self-harm. Liberating myself from old patterns, I discovered newfound space for processing, coping, and simply being—infused with play, curiosity, and reframes. The beautiful piece that made this possible was validation.

Validation happens when we acknowledge that our thoughts, feelings, and experiences are real to us, even if others may not be able to understand them. Validation does not mean giving ourselves a free pass for harmful behavior, but rather, bringing compassion to the part of ourselves that felt the need to act that way—it is the gentle reminder that our emotions matter and that healing begins with accepting our truth.

Validation allows you to feel seen and heard, and truth be told, we do not often receive enough validation in the loud and busy world, especially as individuals with BPD. Take a moment to validate yourself because you deserve it. You do so much, more than anyone will ever know. You are incredible and filled with such a big heart, along with profound wisdom. Everything you think and feel is valid, I promise.

Just know that by validating yourself, you are strengthening your self-worth, confidence, and inner trust. Snoozed your alarm ten times and were late to work? Validate it. Why did you snooze your alarm so many times? Did you not sleep well? Stay up too late? Why were you up so late? Were you feeling anxious or afraid? Validate yourself: “Snoozing your alarm ten times makes complete sense when you were up so late feeling anxious or afraid. Your body and mind needed the rest.” When you validate yourself, you shift out of feeling guilt, shame, or any of those heavy emotions, and into a place of empowerment and choice.

Now that you understand why you did it and can validate yourself, you get to lean into more choice the next time. Remember, you are worthy of validation from the very beginning.

Please know that self-validation is not an overnight experience. It is a beautiful journey, a partnership that you get to cultivate—a beacon of light guiding us through the shadows. Cultivating self-validation empowers us to amplify our inner voice and quiet the voices of fear, anger, and frustration. You deserve every ounce of validation, every step of the way.

About the Author: Des Caminos is an Embodiment & Somatic Practitioner with two degrees, who received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder in 2014. She shares her time with the Lived Experience Committee because she believes in the power and healing of a life beyond a diagnosis. Des is here to help break down stigma and share experiences and resources because she believes we are truly all in this together. You can find her on all social media platforms under Des Caminos.