We discover new things about ourselves on a regular basis. Some of these things don’t hold too much significance: a food we tried but didn’t care for; a new band we found and couldn’t wait to see; or a hairstyle we sported throughout high school which we now seriously regret (and have since destroyed all evidence).

Yet, there are other discoveries we make that have the potential to change our entire world…

I was probably fourteen when I realized I didn’t have to become a parent. Suddenly, the prospect of one day mothering a child of my own was an uninvited suggestion and not a rule. I just about started shouting “forever childfree” from the rooftops after that.

In college, I heard the word ‘asexual’ for the first time and immediately went, “WAIT, that’s me… Woah.” Now, anyone who knows me knows about it (even if they had no plans to).

Don’t get me wrong—these discoveries don’t necessarily have to become our truth, an integral part of who we are, or the ways in which we present ourselves to the world. But sometimes, they just do. Sometimes, that’s what we choose.

So naturally, when that discovery is laid out before us as the diagnosis and label of Borderline Personality Disorder, there is likely to be some inner conflict about what it all means, and more importantly, what we choose to make of it. In the beginning, I certainly didn’t know how I wanted to incorporate that information into my life or what level of significance I would eventually place on said label, if any.

If you have recently received such a diagnosis, a lot of questions will likely come up for you, as they did for me.

• Is this something I have to start researching and treating immediately, or is it OK to take time to process?
• Is this even all that important? Can I just go on with my life as it was before?
• Do I have to start using that label? Who needs to know about it? Or is this my entire identity now??

So, pause.

Depending on what you already know of BPD, your familiarity and comfort with mental health treatment, how much the label resonates with you personally, and a whole host of other factors, you may choose not to do anything at all with that information at first. Possibly, for quite a long time. There will be people who disagree with that choice, but I don’t. We aren’t all in the same place when we hear that sort of news, and our motivation or readiness for change may vary. And honestly, it can feel a whole lot like being led out of an airplane flying ten thousand feet above the earth without a parachute to find out you have a disorder that many mental health professionals deem to be entirely untreatable, too difficult to manage, or frequently a misdiagnosis altogether. And while there is a degree of truth in statements such that these disorders are a challenge for all involved, or that misdiagnosis is possible, these assumptions often show up unchecked, and in spaces where we are entitled to feel safe. And it is exactly that needed feeling of safety—within ourselves and with those around us—that we require to process moments like this.

This is all to say, take your time. You’re allowed that space. Everything will still be here when you’re ready.

About the Author: Jennifer is a recent MSW graduate and licensed social worker with lived experience of borderline personality disorder. She donates her time to the Lived Experience Committee because through advocacy we find that representation matters, human connection saves lives, and recovery is possible.